As I was tossing and turning in bed this morning, groaning that the sun dared to peak its cheery face into my window at such an ungodly hour, I had an epiphany: Success is relative.

Case in point: Yesterday I failed to find a solution to my lighting dilemma, but I succeeded in something I wasn’t even trying to do. In my frustration, I wrote another blog post.

That’s usually what happens to me. I don’t wake up one morning full of vigor and inspiration and write a dazzling post that will amaze my readers. I wake up sleep-deprived, grouchy as all heck, lost in feelings of failure, wondering why God’s keeping me alive another day. Then, in an attempt to find footing in my spinning world, I sit down at the computer and write something totally illegible in my effort to vent.

After my emotional vomit has splattered onto the page, I go back over it just to make sure I haven’t missed a spot. I further my venting because once is never enough. At the same time, I tweak it a bit. Then I go back over it again because surely I missed a few points I want to further complain about, and I refine it a bit more. This process is like a criminal returning to the scene of a crime, unable to let it go. It’s horrific, yet beautiful at the same time.

After another dozen or so do-overs, I realize what I’m feeling and experiencing is probably common to mankind and probably worth sharing because someone can probably relate. And BAM. Another post is miraculously added to my blog.

Have you noticed God working like this in your life? You set out on a mission. You’ve got this. You know what you’re doing. You’ve done your homework. Stunning results are in the bag. And then life happens.

What the heck? you find yourself asking. What went wrong? Why do things always go wrong for me? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with the universe? I thought I had this but somehow some undefinable, undetectable, invisible little urchin just stole what should have been mine!

Sorry to say, wisdom and insight and answers don’t usually come when things are going well; they come when they aren’t.

I’m learning to take these events as they come, as part of God’s bigger plan for my life. I don’t know why things have to be so difficult for me when they seem so easy for others. I can’t answer all the whys. All I can do is push through one more time, do what seems right at the time, and trust that God has it all in his capable hands – my mistakes as well as my victories. Especially my mistakes. Have you ever noticed how God seems to like mistakes?

It seems as though He says, “Yes. I was waiting for that, Diane! I saw it coming even though you didn’t and I used special care in crafting a way through it that will bring you closer to me and my design for your life.

“Sweet daughter, you find it so easy to veer from my perfect will for you. I know the temptations you face. But you’re looking at the wrong things and that’s why you stumble. Look up. Focus on me. I’m not daunted by your mistakes. Rather, I like them. They decompose into the manure I use to enrich the garden I’m planting in you.

“Mistakes and failure are your friends so embrace them as the learning tools I intend them to be. Nothing is ever wasted in my economy. I have more than enough. I AM more than enough. You need never look to any other source for love and joy and success than Me.

“I love working miracles just for your benefit. Your tears, and yes, even your screams of frustration, are endearing to me. I would rather see your wrath than your complacency. I adore the life that bubbles from every emotion you feel. I feel it, too. Remember that I came to earth, not only to save your soul from the death that separated us but to experience all you experience so I can say, “I’ve been there. I hurt, too, you know. I felt pain and loneliness and scorn and rejection and injustice. I got tired and experienced sleepless nights when I had more expected of me than I could humanly deliver. I get it because I’ve been there.

“So, stop beating yourself up. I love you and that’s all that matters. Fear? Failure? Mistakes? Regrets? They’re nothing. But the spunk and tenacity they develop in you? That’s priceless.

“I gave you emotions for a reason. Use them to your advantage and lighten up while you do so. I’d love to hear you say, “Well, that didn’t go as planned. I wonder what God has up his sleeve? Because I know my Heavenly Father has an awesome plan for using all the twists and turns my life has taken. Forget an easy, predictable life. Anyone can do that. I’m up for an amazing road trip with the master of adventure. So, bring it on, God!'”

I admit those were not my thoughts after months of unsuccessfully trying everything I could to solve my lighting issues with the wheel center hub caps. But maybe it should have been. When I woke up yesterday morning and said, “Today I am going to solve this lighting issue,” maybe I should have asked God, “What do you want to accomplish in me and through me today?” Because my plans failed. I’m no closer to a solution than I was yesterday morning. However, I successfully wrote two more blog posts. Maybe that was the real agenda all along.

I went to bed feeling like a failure. God watched me go to bed and said, “Yes. She did it! Good for you, girl.”

Somehow I need to get on the same page as God. I’d save myself a lot of anxiety if I did.