Lot’s wife has taken a lot of criticism over the years. You know, for daring to look back as she and her husband were fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah as it was being destroyed.

But, I can relate to this woman. I’m sure she had a good reason for looking back. She probably just finished remodeling her kitchen. The one she had been nagging Lot about for the past 20 years. After all that time he recently conceded and she finally got the kitchen of her dreams. And now he says they have to go? Is he crazy? After all she went through to get this lovely new kitchen?

Did he even have the faintest idea what an ordeal this remodel was? First on the list involved finding a structural engineer who would make sure the current foundation could support the massive island she envisioned. Then locating a qualified contractor, one with good references who actually completed projects on budget and on time. That was just the beginning. Then came hours of reviewing popular kitchen layouts and don’t forget, flooring options. Should she go with tried and true ceramic tile? Or, with less expensive porcelain tile? Maybe brick or natural stone? Solid wood or engineered hardwood or laminate or fairly new on the scene but more affordable, Luxury Vinyl Plank?

Then onto choosing the paint. Do you know how many variations of white there are? How is one to decide? Hundreds of shades of neutrals just about did her in. Lot, too. He had wanted nothing to do with choosing paint colors. Just like a man. Leave all the important decisions to her. When she was already overloaded with options! But, one by one she made her choices. And despite months of living in the chaotic mess of construction, the project was finally completed. The result was astonishing. She was beyond happy! And now she’s supposed to simply walk away?

Sure, the neighbor’s lifestyle was questionable. All the more reason to make their home a sanctuary. A safe place from all the violence and debauchery of the city. But, not to leave it!

Yeah, I get this woman. I apologize for butchering the biblical account as told in Genesis but please hear me out. Many things could have prompted Lot’s wife to turn around as they were fleeing the wickedness of the city. But I have to believe, as a woman, there had to be something there that she thought she would miss. Something that would be hard to let go of. Something that she perhaps thought she couldn’t live without. The fact that she was turned into a pillar of salt convinces me that something she was leaving behind must have owned her heart.

I live in a 130-year-old Victorian Farmhouse in need of restoration from the original stone foundation to the metal sheeted gable ends. And I struggle with being financially responsible with my resources. Which isn’t much. Where should I put my money? In material things that will bring temporal happiness or in loftier pursuits such as investing in God’s kingdom?

Big decisions, hard choices. Right now my money is going into making the house safe and functional which, unfortunately, does not include anything cosmetic. So, for now anyway, I’m stuck with 1960’s paneled walls, mobile home drop ceilings, and cracked vinyl peal ‘n stick squares on the floor.

Just like Mrs. Lot, I have big dreams. When I close my eyes, I vividly envision my dream home in all its splendid glory!

But, what if I had to leave it? Would it tear me apart? Would I grieve it like a lost lover? Would my purpose for living cease to exist?

Questions such as these bring us to the core of our existence. Why are we here and what really matters? At the end of my life, what will I look back on? Will I be proud of my decisions or will I have regrets? Probably a mixture of both.

I recently attended two memorial services only seven weeks apart. A husband and wife who had shared married life for 65 years. What struck me was all the accolades they received from friends and neighbors who had known them for decades. The reoccurring theme? Self-less, giving, always there for those in need, always offering a meal or a place to stay, foster care parents, youth group leaders, and the list goes on. The husband was repeatedly quoted as saying, “God always provides.” Now, before you think too highly of this couple, they were human beings like the rest of us with flaws, inconsistencies, and dichotomies. While appearing almost saintly to others, the uglier, more demanding, more unreasonable side tended to come out to those who knew them best, their children.

But, beyond all of this, what really hit me was the fact that their 100-year-old house was greatly in need of repair. Or, destruction. I, as a lover of all things historic, actually thought the kindest thing to do to the old structure was to tear it down. I have never said this about an old house before. As far as I’m concerned, anything can be saved if you have enough money. This house was my first exception.

“How,” I wondered, “did God provide when you couldn’t even afford necessary repairs to your own house? The home you raised your children in and shared with those in need? How is that a good example of God’s provision?”

Taken a step further, is this the type of sacrifice God demands of me? Am I expected to let my house deteriorate down to ruin while I give to help others?

Adam and Eve probably knew God the best. Before the fall, they daily walked the garden with God. Noah knew God, too. In fact, at the time of the flood, Noah and his family were the only ones on earth who were righteous. Somehow between Adam and Noah, pagan cultures grew while first-hand knowledge of God dissipated.

In Shane Willard’s YouTube podcast entitled, Understand the Entire Bible Story in 30 Minutes, he speaks of these pagan cultures. He says that pagan man’s first understanding of God was that he was up in the sky. People saw the sun and how plants and animals thrived when the sun shined, therefore concluded the sun must be God. Then they saw the moon and how its orbit created cycles, linking it even to women’s menstrual cycles, so they thought the moon was the god of fertility. And they saw the direct link between rain and how bountiful rain made the earth so they figured that if the gods were happy, they would send rain. If they were unhappy, then they’d withhold it. So their next thought was, how do we make the gods happy? What do we have to do to gain their favor? Exactly what and how much do they demand? And, how much, if ever, is enough?

The pagan custom of the day was to cut yourself to appease the gods. But then the question was, how much cutting would it take to make the gods happy? No one knew the answer to that. One thought was to keep cutting until it rained.

The second pagan custom of the day was to sacrifice your children, primarily the firstborn. But then again, what were the rules? How was this to be done and when was enough? No one knew the answer. Without YouTube videos to turn to, they simply guessed.

Throughout history, man has been trying to find God and figure out how to procure his blessing. What we fail to realize is that God took the first step toward us. We didn’t find him, he sought us out. We just need to decide if we’re going to respond to him or not. (Romans 5)

In this podcast, Shane Willard goes on to say that God remains the same but our understanding of him has grown through the ages. The more we get to know him, the more he reveals to us and the more he reveals to us, the nicer he seems. So, in many ways, it appears as if God has changed but he hasn’t. He comes down to our level and speaks to our understanding, regardless of the time or culture we live in.

God’s continued revelation throughout history has shown us that he is not the sun, but the creator of the sun; not the moon, but the creator of the moon. Unlike the ancient Sumerians of Lot’s day, we know that God derives no pleasure from us cutting ourselves or sacrificing our children. But we still grapple with, how do we as created beings get on the good side of God? What does he really want from us? How can we ensure his blessing?

Maybe we’re sidetracked with the wrong questions. Instead, maybe we should be asking, what’s standing in the way of me truly knowing God? How can I experience more of him? What depths of his character have I never seen? What would life look like if every step I took was alongside him?

God doesn’t want my money or my things. He doesn’t need anything from me. He’s the creator and sustainer of all creation, therefore there is nothing I can add to him nor give him to improve his state of being.

I’m convinced very few things in this world are wrong for me to use and enjoy. In fact, I believe God shares in my joys as well as in my sorrows. But when things become more important to me than he is? Then I have a problem.

So, this is where Mrs. Lot and I part ways. I can only speculate what caused her to look back. And I know myself well enough to know what would be the hardest for me to give up if I had to. But I need to be willing to do so. I need to open my grimy little hands, let whatever it is slip between my fingers and out of my grasp, and look to God as my future.

A long time ago I heard this saying and I’ve adopted it as my mantra ever since. “Enjoy everything but be attached to nothing.”

God doesn’t want my things. But if they stand between us, if I’m more attached to them than I am to him, then he may ask me to let them go. Because unlike me, God doesn’t settle. Second best isn’t enough. God wants all of me and he wants me to experience all of him. Not out of greed, but out of love and kindness. He knows what I’m truly longing for. He knows what will fill that gap in my soul. And that is, more of him.